I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
