Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
