Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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