I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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