She is in my trunk
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
