Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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