I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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