just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
