i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
