My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
