you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
