1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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