Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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