i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
