Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
