I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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