my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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