In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize