i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
