drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
