i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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