so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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