tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
