I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
