there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
