Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Panties = found
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize