why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
