she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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