The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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