I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
