apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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