I think I died a long time ago.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
