his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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