apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I looked at my own cervix.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
