Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize