I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
