if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I looked at my own cervix.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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