at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
