what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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