pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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