I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently you make a good broom.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
