I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
