Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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