I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
