her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
a search helicopter?!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
