i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize