His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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