Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
