I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
