Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
