I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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