I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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