At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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