oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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