i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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