I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
