i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
