I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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