We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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