It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
