i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
