hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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