Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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