I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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