Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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