you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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