you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think my fart just growled at me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
