and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
