Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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