some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
