I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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