I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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