Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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