that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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