in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
