So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
