We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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