i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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