Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
