Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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