the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
two words...techno handjob
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
