It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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