yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
