Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
