dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize