My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
