her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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