Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
