I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize