My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
