This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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