come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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