So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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