On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
