I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
