What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
