the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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