Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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