Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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