sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize