i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
