Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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