Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
