It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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