I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
